Tag Archives: Children

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A Chocolate Elephant

The following is a common saying in our household.

How do you eat an elephant?  

One bite at a time.

Well today we modified this saying.

How do you eat an elephant made of chocolate? 

One bite at a time – one bite every day.

Why the change?

First, chocolate seemed much more pleasant than thinking of eating a real elephant.  Second, to make it through something as big as an elephant, one needs to be consistent in the task.  Eating too much too fast can bring on all sorts of complications.  Taking too large of breaks between bites could cause problems as well.

So when you have an elephant of a task to tackle, daily bites will get the job done. Plus it never hurts to eat some chocolate along the way.

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Parenting 101 – Risky Behavior

Risk: exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance.

It seems no matter how hard parents try, youth will dabble with risky behavior.  Never having been one to enjoy scary movies, this tendency has baffled me.  Living on the edge and taking risks for any reason is just not part of my nature.  Sure, in my 20’s I sometimes drove too fast, drank too much at parties, went running in areas many felt were unsafe, and pushed myself unceasingly to achieve a goal, but none of these actions were done for the thrill of danger or out of rebellion.  I was aware of the danger involved in my risky behavior and chose to take the risk, often in a need to prove something to myself rather than to others or for any kind of thrill.  In truth dangerous behavior makes me uneasy, anxious and rather ill, but for others it can be like an opiate.

Venturing into risky behavior is part of the nature of many youth and is not necessarily an indication of bad parenting. Conscientious parents face this reality quite frequently. Some succeed in teaching their youth that such behavior is dangerous. Some, despite their best efforts, do not.  Sadly some, through their well-meaning rules, regulations and restrictions, simply delay such lessons until their youth are no longer youth but legal adults.

Life is tough and sometimes in our youth, we make life tougher for ourselves and our parents.  Risky behavior is found all around us, encouraged by many in our society, and is a reality of life that is not new to our time in history.  Good people, old and young, choose to do foolish things.  This makes parenting a tough job, and too often a highly criticized one as well.

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The Power of a Hug

I am sure all moms experience to some degree doubt and concern over their job performance.  Moms who homeschool their kids most likely experience a larger dose of self-doubt.  Unlike other jobs, motherhood does not come with scheduled performance evaluations and job improvement plans.  Critical reviews seldom come in unbiased form.  “You’re the greatest mom,” in response to some treasure bestowed on your child or, “You suck,” when the treasure is denied, do not adequately assist in self-evaluation.  The input of a caring spouse is often no more helpful.

Since my children are nearing the age when my influence will diminish, especially in the role of primary educator, I felt it was time to have a serious evaluation period with them; an evaluation of my performance. This feeling was prompted by an article I read about children repeating abusive language and questioning the idea of whether they could develop such language without having been first exposed to it.  The author, having been an abused child, shared some of her own heart wrenching memories.  As I too had been a child of “tough love” which often crossed the line into verbal abuse, this article rekindled a deep fear in me. A fear promoted by the news coverage of the early 1980’s which reported that children of abuse would grow up to be abusers.

I don’t like fear, being controlled by fear and most importantly inflicting fear, but as with any human, fear is a part of my life and is a reality.  When fear creeps in, I like to meet it head on and address it.  So fearing that I may have been too harsh with my criticisms at times, I decided that my children were mature enough and articulate enough to provide me with a job performance evaluation.  I was amazed when we were finished, because they could not remember all the times I screwed up, when I yelled too much, or the times I felt like I had used too much discipline.  They did recall times when corporal punishment was used, and strangely their memories where not the same as mine.  It seems punishing them had hurt me much more than it had them. What they remembered were the lessons they had learned and they were very articulate in their appreciation. When it was all said and done, their reviews of my job performance were pretty good and they expressed compassion over my self-doubt and worry.

In reflection, I began to wonder what made me different from my parents.  I grew up knowing my parents loved me and while my father had some real problems that today would be prosecuted, they did try to do their best, at least in my pre-teen years.  However, what had been missing were hugs and verbal expressions of love.  These were the things, coupled with all my many apologies for my mistakes, I tried to make daily occurrences in our home.  Not just bedtime hugs, but hugs when they were doing their schoolwork or the dishes; spontaneous hugs and daily declarations of love.  It is amazing what the power of a hug can do.

While I suspect it may be my only “A” grade in motherhood, it is good to know I did not fail in the department of showing my love for my children.

 

 

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A Perk of Having a Teen Driver

When your kids are little, a morning spent in warm sunshine and cool breezes, followed by an hour plus car ride, guaranteed they slept on the drive home. 

When they are driving age, you put them behind the wheel and take a nap yourself.

(Note To Concerned Readers:  It was my husband who left the driver seat and traded places with our son.  I remained in the shotgun seat, trying to avoid taking a nap myself. Not an easy task on undulating, country roads.)

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Save the Thesaurus

The problem with education today is the notion it must be boring in order to be of value.  Too often the excitement is drained out of informative material leaving an uninviting, grey mass for students to digest.

Feeling repulsed by the lack of color, some students turn to the overly technical or highbrow language of a single course of study. Others throw all caution to the wind with the use of slang, sound bites or insulting language, thereby lowering the bar rather than elevating it.

Creative words and phrases are endangered. The thesaurus is a dusty relic on a shelf.

If something does not change, eloquent language will become extinct!

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Blessings of a Blackout

While losing power for twelve hours is not on my list of fun ways to spend a family evening at home, it does have some positive attributes.  Yesterday a vicious wind blew up from the south. The wind never really stops on the Eastern Plains of Colorado, a reality one learns quickly if they want to prosper here.  My daughter, a much heartier soul than I, considers most of our light gales to be nothing more than pleasant breezes.

The wind and weather can come from all directions: blizzards from the north, rain from the east, and hail from the west, but it is the wind from the south that is to be feared.  Barns blown over, trees uprooted and shingle roofs shredded, these are commonality not rarity with winds from the south.

Yesterday’s wind began with blustery force.  Hair had to be re-combed at church, even super-hold hairspray and gel withered under the assault.  The drive home was a challenge for the newbie behind the wheel.  No drivers ed course could prepare the novice for the head wind he faced, but luck was with him and the dust cloud arose only after he had safely made it home. One new driving challenge faced, one saved for a future day.

By 5pm the wind was gathering strength, but animals still needed care.  The stalwart, hearty daughter braved the crossing of the yard, only to become imprisoned with her wards in the rabbit house.  A decade of living on the plains has taught us to build strong, permanent shelters for our animals. Our rabbit house was built with the knowledge that our daughter would also spend many hours inside it.  When the full force of the angry wind struck, we knew she was safe.  When the power went out from multiple power lines being blown down, we knew she was prepared with emergency light.

The wind raged, escalated and began to sound more dangerous than anything we had heard before. The power went out. We heard sounds of crashes and wondered which yard items had been destroyed. Then as if the wind knew havoc had been rendered, it died down returning to the soft gale my daughter calls a breeze.

Dinner was jelly beans, Oreos and cheese.  Lap tops provided a few moments of entertainment, books emerged and the piano was played as darkness settled in for the night.  Baseball caps equipped with LED lights donned the heads of one and all. Quiet pursuits and conversations, calm thoughts and contemplations, broken periodically with laughter were the activities of the evening.

The power seldom stays out this long and we are prepared for emergencies.  We could have cooked a warm meal, we could have lit a lamp, but the peacefulness of a simple evening was too inviting. The blanked quite of the night calmed our minds and gave us rest; a break from the world, the blessings of a blackout.

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A Great Day is A Blessed Day

Have you ever awoken in the morning and made the commitment to have a great day regardless of what was thrown at you?

You step outside to get the paper and rather than saying, “Damn its cold,” you say instead, “Oh look how beautifully the sun sparkles on the snow”. You tackle the taxes and determine it wasn’t such a chore, and that you shouldn’t have put it off. You pay the bills without going into the red; even having some money left over to transfer into savings.  The dishes get done, the laundry gets sorted and you haven’t raised your voice even once.  Hour by hour you work at keeping your commitment.  It is going to be a great day.

Then the phone rings and the world stops, just for a precious moment, held still by comprehension’s slow process.  You take a breath and the crying begins, sadness and joy combating inside your heart and brain.  You know that the day could have been worse, that you have been blessed, but the moment of fear is still etched in your mind.  You know that all will be well again, just not until after the suffering, the struggle and the remorse. You have teenagers and a great day is one where they are blessedly safe.